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(no subject)
Sep. 29th, 2010 04:07 am[Filter: Private]
Well.
I don't know, it could have been worse.
Festival Dinner at home with my wife, determined to be content with my miserable lot and life and live it for what it's worth. Not thinking about hating my father, not thinking about the fact that my daughter prefers some Western fop as her father, not wondering if Hazel actually give a fuck that I'm there or not. Just ... rolling with it.
... yeah. It really could have been worse.
This is what I used to do, isn't it? Just ... differently. Pretend you're fine. Pretend you're happy. Convince yourself enough that it mostly works. It's dishonest and exhausting, and fuck I was a lot happier then, than I have been the last few years.
Why not go back to that? Just ... in a new way. Replace wild parties for boring parlour socials! Flirting with strangers to making love to my apathetic wife! Cultivating the art of being completely useless at everything for cultivating ... grapes!
Why not?
We can give that a shot.
Sure.
[Filter: Ian]
What the hell is going on with you, lately?
Well.
I don't know, it could have been worse.
Festival Dinner at home with my wife, determined to be content with my miserable lot and life and live it for what it's worth. Not thinking about hating my father, not thinking about the fact that my daughter prefers some Western fop as her father, not wondering if Hazel actually give a fuck that I'm there or not. Just ... rolling with it.
... yeah. It really could have been worse.
This is what I used to do, isn't it? Just ... differently. Pretend you're fine. Pretend you're happy. Convince yourself enough that it mostly works. It's dishonest and exhausting, and fuck I was a lot happier then, than I have been the last few years.
Why not go back to that? Just ... in a new way. Replace wild parties for boring parlour socials! Flirting with strangers to making love to my apathetic wife! Cultivating the art of being completely useless at everything for cultivating ... grapes!
Why not?
We can give that a shot.
Sure.
[Filter: Ian]
What the hell is going on with you, lately?
