nosuchroses: (// you take your white finger)
Dragons, snow? This far south? And it's coming down, too. What the fuck?

I expected just a few flurries when it started, but I can't see more than a few feet in front of my face right now. This is absolutely fucking insane.

Ugh, I'm going to have to stop for the night, but I can't imagine where. It's a dead stretch of road. Though even if there were an inn right off to my right, I'm not sure I'd see it. Dragons.

Freak storm.

In any case, I need to stop moving. Rafar is going to stumble and sprain if I keep it up, and then what am I going to do? Looks as if there's a stand of trees near here ...
nosuchroses: (// you take your white finger)
[Filter: Private]

Well, that could have gone worse!

Hah. It's almost worth all the strained civility just to see the bitch trying to bite her fucking tongue. You'd think that for something who spends her entire life doing it, she'd be better at it.

They're probably getting ready to receive me, now, desperately miserable that I have them all under control. It's a good feeling. Being in control. Dragons know, I never have been. Everything and everyone's always sweeping me the fuck along. For once, I'm calling the shots, and there's absolutely nothing any of them can do about it.

... I'll be meeting Emily, soon.

I can't ... really decide how to feel about that.
nosuchroses: (//what i made is unclear now)
[Filter: Private]

Heh.

I'm starting to wonder if all of this is actually getting to her. The more I think about it ... she's actually seemed human, lately. And now, this -- jealous? Dragons, I don't even like Eriena.

It's all ... well, seriously, it's a little hard to process.

But it's not bad. It's the opposite, really. Jealousy means caring. It's a hell of a lot better than twenty years of fucking apathy, that's for sure. I wonder if maybe, she's finally starting to melt a bit.

That could almost make all of this -- being in Diarnay, dealing with the family, all of this bullshit -- completely worth it.

I guess I can hope that the rest of this little experiment goes so well ...

[Filter: Eriena]

Well, hi, there.
nosuchroses: (// you take your white finger)
[Filter: Hazel]

Right, I apologize in advance for how absolutely out of nowhere this is going to sound.

I want to go to Keirnan.
nosuchroses: (// the words I hate the clothes I hate)
Sweet hell.

No one in any bar wants to serve more than one glass of alcohol on the Night of the Dead in this city. And they give you this look when you ask, too, this how dare you show such disrespect to the dead.

What I want to know is how it's disrespectful at all. Maybe I lost someone important and I'm drowning my sorrows. Maybe this was a tradition we shared together. They don't know that I'm just stifled by the "no one breathe wrong" atmosphere. And thirsty.

That's one thing I miss about Korin, I swear. They sure know how to mourn right, there.
nosuchroses: (// you must follow)
[Filter: Private]

The fact is, this isn't going to change any time soon.

The fact is, this is life now, from now until the eternally stretching future, barring some amazing twist of fate that would probably only dick me even worse.

It could be worse. Mostly, the family's deigned to least me to my little vineyard and let me do my own Dragonsdammed thing. I'm not good at it, I don't like it, but I guess that's life. Right?

I ... don't have to be completely miserable. I could be. I have been. But Hazel might be just a little bit right about this.

When you can't change things, maybe it is better to just adapt. Let it become a dull ache and that's it.

I'm used to dull ache.

And I have Hazel, for however much that's worth.

Funny how I thought everything would be better, after she noticed me, after we were together, after we were married, but every step is just more

Right, and that sort of thought is exactly what I am trying not to do, here.

[Filter: Public]

So, Lorcan! I've heard a rumour floating around that you're in Diarnay for some official business from Rhia. Is this true? Please write back.
nosuchroses: (// how I made it and)
[Filter: Private]

Yeah, I'm -- sulking. Yeah, I'm probably not the best company right now. Obviously, I know that. How could I not know that?

I just ...

This is it, all laid out. Welcome to the rest of your life, Matthias. In this marriage that's barely working, a week away from fucking Diarnay, where I can sit right under my father's thumb, keeping books and being a responsible adult. That's the rest of my life.

When I always said that I could never picture myself in ten years, I never thought it was just beacuse the only existance I could hope for would be so ...

Yeah, whine harder, you giant fucking baby.

[Filter: Hazel]

I'm going to go down to the common room. Don't bother waiting up.
nosuchroses: (//i'll never be anything I hate)
[Filter: Ian and Jace]

Look, I am having a really shitty fucking month, and Hazel said that she wrote to you, Ian, like three days ago, and still hasn't heard anything, so please, both of you, do me the service of not having been killed and further ruining my entire life.

Especially you, Ian, because seriously, you're the fucking Heir to Dentoria, I don't think dying in Floran is going to fly.
nosuchroses: (// you must follow)
[Filter: Private]

So that's that.

Father says jump and I say how high! After all of this. After years away at the Academy, after thinking I was married and adult and finally free, I go right back to Diarnay and I'm more under his apathetic dragonsdamned thumb than ever before.

That's life, huh?

That's my life.

I shouldn't even be surprised. I shouldn't ...

I shouldn't ever had dared to think that I was free.

Start packing your bags, Matthias, you're about to become a landowner.
nosuchroses: (//i'll never be anything I hate)
[the writing is very uncontrolled]

[Filter: Private]

Fuck him!!

You son of a bitch!!

You've never given a sideways fuck about what I've done before, never. I could do whatever the blessed hell I wanted so long as I never asked you to notice, that's been our system, Father.

Now, now I'm married and I finally want to settle down and go relatively good and quiet and you do -- this?

You fucking --

I hate you. You know that? I absolutely fucking hate you.

You'd think I was owed a little free gold since you can't even remember my fucking name. Haven't I earned that?!

[Filter: Hazel]

Yeah, so guess what?!
nosuchroses: (Default)
[Filter: Hazel]

Yeah, alright. Let's do it. If you're sure about it, too, I'll write to my father and get the money tomorrow.

I like it. Nice place. Already got all these ideas of what we can do with it.
nosuchroses: (Default)
[Filter: Private]

Hm, does look like a nice place. Big, spacious, nice, furnished. Lots of land, too. Reasonably priced, all things considered.

And it's here in Aeda, far from home, which is the best thing of all.

[Filter: Public]

Well, Dragons, after a Guardian of the Altar gives a little sermon for the journalfolk, how am I supposed to say something? You can't really compete there. I'll just look like an idiot. Fuck!

Uh, let's just go with ... Happy Day of Everlasting Light, uh, keep it faithful and good all throughout the year. Right.

Tradition broken.
nosuchroses: (Default)
[Filter: Eriena]

Well, hey there, you.
nosuchroses: (Default)
So after a few weeks of empircal evidence, I have discovered that being married is mostly exactly like not being married.

Maybe it'll be different once we actually, you know, aren't living in the family house, but apparently that's a process and for once my father actually cares what I do. Probably because it's his money that's being spent.

Yeah, that sounds like him.

Children might also make a difference, but no sign of those little assholes yet.

So yeah! That's my life. Grossly overrated in total. How's everybody else?
nosuchroses: (// the words I hate the clothes I hate)
[Filter: Private]

Well.

This is it.

... yeah.

[Filter: Public]

So hey, magic journals, I went and got married. Good times.
nosuchroses: (//i'll never be anything I hate)
[Filter: Private]

The worst part isn't that I made a complete drunken idiot out of myself, though that was pretty bad, let's be honest.

It wasn't even that she completely schooled me. In fact, I can live with that, though I was apparently pretty worked up about it at the fucking time.

The worst dragonsdamned part is that I think she's ...

I think she might be right.

I've spent the last months running away as fast as I could from what was going to happen, and hey, what do you know, here we are anyways. Nothing I don't do is going to fix anything, so isn't it my responsibility -- oh, I'm good at that one, sure, right -- to do what I can do?

... all this time, I've avoided actually ... saying something because I've been afraid of fucking everything up but holy shit it can't get more fucked up than it already is, can it? I'm getting married tomorrow, almonst, and I can't look at myself in the mirror and say that I really actually want to do it and considering how this has been my one and only dream for -- ever ...

I have no idea what --

Yeah, Eriena, you're right, and fuck you.

... Dragons.

Okay.

Fuck.

[Filter: Hazel]

Hi.

Let's talk.
nosuchroses: (// you must follow)
[filter: p rivate]

fuc kin

ever y thin g

[Fil ter: Er ie na]

well hey

how
s

li fe?
nosuchroses: (// the words I hate the clothes I hate)
[Filter: Ian]

Okay, so!

Just as a general bulletin for your information, I may wander off into the wilds, change my name, and vanish forever.

I'm thinking Mysterio. Too obvious?

Alternatively, I could just fucking kill myself, but that seems messy.
nosuchroses: (// leave this academic factory)
[Filter: Private]

Seraphine.

... really.

She's the real deal, after all? Really?

I've seen her writing here for years and it's been so easy to dismiss her. It seemed way too dragonsdamned convenient, didn't it? Her just showing up here? No memory?

But Ian believed it from the second I told him -- as a fucking joke. Her father has declared her the genuine article before the entire country. There's celebrations breaking out from Aeda to Lireth, the Pilgram's Pass to Erisport.

Still doesn't seem real.

It's easier, for everyone else. Everyone loved her, who couldn't love her? People loved Seraphine more than Ian! But she was always a degree away from them, wasn't she? A happy shiney flowery pixie. For whatever reason, I was --

Well, I guess I was sor of friends with them, wasn't I?

All those years, thinking Hazel was my only friend. Now I see that maybe she's never thought of me as -- as anything, and the people I thought were just humouring me ...

I'd write to her, but what's the point? She wouldn't remember me and I'm not sure what I'd even have to say. Welcome back! You're alive!

[Filter: Ian]

Crazy shit, huh?

But I guess this is old news, to you, since you always believed in her.
nosuchroses: (// you take your white finger)
[the writing is a scrawled, weak mess]

knew I shouldn't have poured that last glass

hello, everything I have ever ingested!

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